Operation Queso Grande:

"I've got the stuff. Meet me by the cafe at 7 PM. Come alone."

I followed instructions and arrived at the specified location, cash in hand. Nervously glancing around, the exchange was made. After the money changed hands, I quickly stuffed my bounty into a Jeff Ruby's takeout bag. Other patrons were intrigued. "What's that?" They asked, craning their necks to get a better look in the bag. "Nothing." I hastily replied.

I discreetly placed the bag in the trunk of my car, and drove back to the apartment with my 15 lbs of not-for-retail-sale-for-food-institution-only Land O' Lakes Extra melt.

NOT FOR RETAIL SALE

You may remember my social media cheese dip experiment a while back, where I contacted Land O' Lakes to get some coveted Extra Melt, a melting cheese used by many Mexican restaurants that has been specifically engineered to kick the crap out of Velveeta when it comes to making a cheese dip.

You may also remember their subsequent response.
　

For a few days I couldn't look at the Land O' Lakes logo without being annoyed. "She's smug." I told David. "Land O' Lakes is sitting on a stockpile of Extra Melt, guarding it like Fort Knox. They're cheese Nazis, is what they are. Cheese Nazis!"

But I am nothing if not persistent. Determined not to be thwarted by Land O' Lakes or the limitations of retail sale, I made a few phone calls, and very shortly was in possession of three 5 lb blocks of the stuff.

And what do you make with 15 lbs of Extra Melt? Answer: Anything you want. It really is a superior melting cheese, and worth the hassle of obtaining. Happy hunting.

buffalo chicken nachos

Over jerk pork loin with a fried egg